See You In My Dreams
by 10otp
Summary: Allegiant Spoilers. "I should have said more than 'I'll see you later,' I should have told her I loved her, I never said it enough, and I regret that. I love you, Tris, I always will. But she can't hear me, I saw the body for myself"
1. Chapter 1

**So I might have said that I'd go on an internet hiatus, but this was a story that I've been eager to write for several months now. **  
**This story is based off of the song 'See You in my Dreams," by We the Kings.**

**Tobias **

It's been a year. A year without her, a year waiting, angry, in some vain hope that everything was a lie. A year being so naïve, unable to accept the fact that she's gone and there's nothing I can do about it, no matter how much it angers me. A year in the past went by in the blink of an eye, but this past year has felt like a lifetime. A year ago, almost to the minute, Tris took her brother's place; the ultimate act of selflessness and bravery, despite everything he did she put it all aside and died to save him. It should have been him, I don't hate him, I'm not angry at him, I'm angry at her; her impulsive decision lost her her life, like I said it would, and all she told him was that she didn't want to leave me. Anger floods my body, but there's nothing I can do about it, if I saw her again I would immediately forgive her, I would never be angry at her again. God knows how I would react, I'd want keep her tight and never let her go. But I've missed my chance and though it pains me everyday and shall do so for the foreseeable future, I can't change her decision, it was hers and I had no say.

I should have said more than 'I'll see you later,' I should have told her I loved her, I never said it enough, and I regret that. _I love you, Tris, I always will_. But she can't hear me, I saw the body for myself, it was lifeless, all the color once in her face was drained, the spark in her eye: gone.

Not even in my dreams have I seen her. Sleep has become a rare thing lately, I'm lucky to get two hours solidly sleeping. I can't move on. No matter how many time Christina has taken me out and tried to introduce me to a girl, I've not been able to make anything other than awkward small talk. I hated every second of that, it felt as if I was cheating on Tris, despite the fact that she'd never know. Everyone's getting on with life, adjusting to this future much unlike our past, even Zeke's moved on, or well more so than I.

For the first few weeks after Tris died, Zeke was broken as well. He'd just lost Uriah and there was nothing that could help him, he just needed time. Day by day he got slightly better, but I, for a month or so, got worse. Eventually, everyone went and got jobs, everyone except for me. In theory I'm supposed to get one by the end of this year, however I don't see that happening anytime soon. Christina tried to persuade me that I just needed time too, but here we are 365 days later and I'm still at square one. Caleb didn't mourn long, a few weeks and people were already distracting him. I can't comprehend how he was able to do that; he knew Tris all her life, I only knew her six months, but that was enough to change me.

I let out a choked sob which shakes my bed. I've attempted to stay strong, I haven't cried for three months; the last time Christina tried to hook me up with a girl, but today is the anniversary of the last time I saw her.

_I miss you, Tris._

There was a moment eleven months ago where I wanted this all to end, and I tried to make it so, I tried to end everything so that I would be reunited with her, but Christina found me, much like the day where I almost took the memory serum.  
But now it's late and whenever it's late the thoughts of misery and regret fill me more so than any other time of day. Today has been hard, everyone took me out to help to try to forget what today really is. This world, this factionless, empty world, is no distraction, only a reminder of what she accomplished of why she's gone. Before the sobs take over my body I need to go sleep, try hard to abandon this world.

_I'm angry, so angry._

* * *

But tonight she's standing there, we're alone in a plain room much like one you could have found in the Erudite compound. The walls are white, the tiles seamless with the floor much the same, bright light floods the room from the industrial light hangings above. But she's here, her crooked smile plastered across a lively face. Everything about her is perfect, apart from the blood seeping across her torso from where David shot her.

"Tris, " I mutter and she runs at me full force.

"Tobias," she sobs, "Tobias, I miss you," I pull her as close to me as possible holding her and never wanting to leave this dream. Though it's all in my head, I can smell her, the smell comforts me and for the first time in a year, I'm happy. I don't want her to ever leave me again.

"I love you, remember that. I am so sorry for not telling you enough when you were here," I run my fingers through her hair, once so long before she cut up in the amity compound, small wisps fly across her face, clinging to the tears rolling down.

"I wish that I could be with you," she begins to control her breathing for a moment, staring at me with her storm grey eyes, not blinking.

"I wish you were still here, I wish that you didn't take your brother's place, God I wish I stepped in," I whisper before pressing my lips to hers, the feeling I've longed for, fills me with euphoria, I've missed this. But this isn't real. This is some dream because Tris is dead. Gone. And I'm a fool for hoping other wise.

**YES! So you might know if you follow my instagram ( 10otp) that i have been eager to write this and though it seems quite sad right now, I promise you that it will get better and that it will make more sense after the next chapter.**

**But remember to follow, favourite and review!**

**-Lindsay**


	2. Chapter 2

**Tris**

They said I'd not be in here long - a week maximum, but look at me, it must have been at least a year, the seasons have changed back to what they were when I first arrived. I used to be able to keep track of the days for the first three or so months, but there were periods almost a week long where I didn't sleep followed by periods of a similar length where I did nothing but sleep.

This place didn't seem so bad at first, they persuaded me that I was here for a good reason, that I'd be helping out everyone like me, they maintained my hope of leaving quickly, "Just one more experiment and we'll let you go," or, " You'll only be here another week," they lied, how badly did they lie.

But I rarely was in pain, and I mean was. They gave me a bed, they fed me food, there were books on a bookcase; I was living the best I'd ever had, minus the fact that I was isolated from everyone I loved. After having no bed, no sleep, no food, this was this was luxurious. Except I never stopped thinking about Tobias, or Caleb or Christina. Or Uriah, when I left he was in a coma, I know that he might not have woken up, but still, miracles can happen. Can't they?

Have the Bureau told them why I'm here and have been for so long? Have they used a memory serum on them to make them forget who I am? The thought of Tobias forgetting me stabs at my stomach, I love him and I won't let him go. I've asked about my old life numerous times, about people, about where they are, but they scolded me each time. That's where the lies and pain began. "Don't you worry about them," "Tris, we need you to concentrate," " if only we knew" all this bullshit and it angers me. It angers me so much. I miss you, Tobias, I miss you.

The pain only go worse, it started with the occasional injection, then it perhaps a scolding and it only got worse and worse. I couldn't take it anymore, they weren't using me to help anymore, the experiments hurt more and more, they started to train me in sport and physical endurance and it made me ill several times. Supposedly, I was going to help start this race of superhuman or something like that. God knows what's next.

I've tried to escape, of course I have, who wouldn't? The first time they caught me quickly, the put me in isolation for a month, and as soon as I was out of there I tried again, they took away my nice room permanently, I tried again, but now as soon as training is over they escort me to a room only about seven feet by seven feet, there's a thing they claim is a mattress, really it's just a mat with a thin polyester 'blanket' or as I call it a sheet. I don't sleep often though, my dreams are haunted with everything I've seen within the past eighteen months; dauntless training, Will, dauntless soldiers, David, Nita, my mother.

David shot me with a tranquilizer, the dart was filled with a hallucinatory drug, that's why I saw my mother, but at the time I thought I was at the end of my rope, I thought I was dead, since which my dreams have been also about death and sacrificing myself for Caleb. Do I regret it? No, I don't. He's my brother, the only other member of family left and I needed him, he's out there in the world doing good, hopefully. I mean they would capture me anyway, it's not like I was going to escape this hellhole.

But I want Tobias, I want him here with me, this hell would be so much better. And I know that the scientists here know I miss him, they've poked my brain, they've seen my thoughts, my wishes, but they refuse to talk about him. God I hate them.

When I'm tired the emotions get worse, often I scream through my head against the wall anything to relieve my anger. They've scolded me for doing so, but I've come to a state where my mind isn't the same. I hate his all. I'm tired of everything, of life, I sometimes wish that David shot me with a real bullet just so I didn't have to endure this. I need sleep, just to get away from this torment.

But Tobias is standing there, we're in a room just like my bedroom, it's plain white, but this room is empty. I look down and I'm in the clothes I was the day I was taken here, a pleasant change from my current plain white clothing, but there's patches of blood across my torso, I press my fingers into the patches to find it's still damp.

"Tris," he mummers, it's him and though this may only be a dream, I run towards him at full force wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Tobias," I start to cry, his arms wrap around my waist keeping me close," I miss you," he keeps me close like he doesn't want to let me go, and to be honest, I don't want him to.

"I love you, remember that. I am so sorry for not telling you enough when you were here," he runs his fingers through my hair while the tears continue to roll down my face.

"I wish that I could be with you," and I really do, I would want to be anywhere else, even in a fight with Peter in the dauntless compound.

"I wish you were still here, I wish that you didn't take your brother's place, God I wish I stepped in," he whispers, I want to object, I did what I did for a reason. I wish I could tell him the real this. But before I can, he presses his lips to mine, the familiar feeling filling my soul with passion, I miss him. I wish I could see where he is now.

**Thank you for reading! I hope you can kind of see where I'm going with this, I don't ****know, I hope so. **

**Also, if you read my other fanfiction (one school, five factions,) I'm going to be updating it this week! So be excited children!**

**Remember to follow, favourite and review. **

**-Lindsay**


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